Emergence in integration mode part 1
This isn’t a generic post about the ‘behind the scenes’ of my business as it is a reflection of the relationship between its current state and myself. A storytelling piece, if you will, that has spontaneously asked to be written and shared that highlights the connection between integrating the experiences we have and how this impacts how safe and secure we feel in our bodies and the capacity to hold energy within us.
And because the story is meant to be shared in its entirety and not be confined to a singular post, it will be rolled out over three separate posts. Let’s begin, shall we?
The truth is, when I launched Emergence (not just a business, but a new path forward, a new way of living and relating to ourselves and the world that we live in), my body reverted back to the pattern of operating in functional freeze and my capacity to hold energy completely disintegrated (ha, get it? DIS-integrated?).
No matter how much I wanted to help people, continue showing up, creating, sharing, all in the name of living out my purpose, serving my mission, BEING who I came here to BE, my body simply said, NO. What was once very joyous and exciting to me just months ago suddenly became extremely immobilizing, challenging, and exhausting, and I too felt the same way.
I’ve ever only been able to hold space for one client so far; the person who won my giveaway on IG. Now, why am I sharing this with you? Because being able to hold space for others and the people in our lives is directly correlated to the level of safety and security we feel in our bodies and the capacity to hold energy within in us.
And what impacts this safety and security? The integration of our experiences. Otherwise, we continue to operate outside of ourselves in expansion mode without return home to our body to recalibrate our energy.
The plot twist I didn’t see coming was that a few months after launching, I discovered I was still very much subconsciously living outside of my body, taking in information I didn’t need to, and most importantly, outsourcing my own safety and security. Because of this, my energy centers were also severely depleted and overactive at the same time, so no matter how much I wanted to go, my body simply said, NO.
For this reason, my body reverting back to the pattern of operating in functional freeze was actually its way of keeping me from expanding more and continuing to search for safety outside of myself. I needed to return home to my body and re-establish the safety and security within it as opposed to outside of it.
It took a while before I finally surrendered and accepted the message it had for me - the ugly dance between the masculine energy of “Let’s fucking go! No need to look behind!” and the feminine energy of “Excuse me. I’d like my success served with slowness and a side of integration, please.” The side ending up taking over the whole damn plate, if I’m being perfectly honest.
I was in deep integration mode, and in both a connection and as a reflection of myself, so was the state of my business, Emergence.
I also realized I wasn’t just experiencing another normal period of contraction after expansion; I was experiencing yet ANOTHER identity shift. The version of Tanys who created, built, and birthed Emergence into the world wasn’t the same version that now needed to sustain it, hell, THRIVE in it.
I couldn’t believe it. What do you mean I had to let go of the “version of myself” that got me to where I currently was? Wasn’t this version enough? Perfectly aligned? Magnificent, even? It indeed was, but as everything in life serves us until it doesn’t, my current identity had apparently reached its expiration date.
Story continued in Part 2.